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tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  January 19, 2011 12:05am-1:05am EST

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h french's french fried onions, everyone's happy. french's. happy starts here. look for it in the canned vegetable aisle. and time now for tonight's closing argument. chinese president hu jintao
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arrived in washington today with some tricky realities to work around, including the massive u.s./china trade imbalance. one take, hu lands his jet and tosses president obama the keeps, saying, zont scratch it. in a new abc news poll out tonight, finds that americans see more economic threat than opportunity in china, so, tonight, we wanted to ask you, simply, china, friend or foe? we've already heard from many of you on facebook and twitter tonight, but please join the conversation, tell us what you think at the "nightline" facebook page or on the "nightline" page at abcnews.com. that's our report for tonight. for all of us at abc news, good night, america. >> jimmy: hi, i'm "jimmy kimmel live." welcome viewers and krex alpha silty nurses. tonight, from "american idol," judge randy jackson is here. from "winter's bone," golden globe nominee jennifer lawrence
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is here. and comedian andrew norelli. this will be a night of many gasps. "jimmy kimmel live" back in two minutes.
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>> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live!" tonight -- "american idol's" randy jackson. from "winter's bone", jennifer lawrence. and comedian andrew norelli. with cleto and the cletones. ♪ it's "jimmy kimmel live" >> dicky: and now, for your viewing pleasure, here's jimmy kimmel!
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[ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: i'm jimmy, i'm the host of the show. thank you very much. thank you for watching. thank you for showing your faces. i didn't think you had the guts, but you did. i was wrong. hey, quite a bomb shell we got hit with this morning. regis philbin announced that as of this summer, he will no longer be apart of "live with regis and kelly." he's going to leave the show and i guess they'll have to find someone else named regis to fill in for him. he's 79 years old. which is easy to forget, because he has the energy of a chihuahua on meth. she's be he's been on tv since there was tv. he would put a fish bowl on his head and do cigarette commercials for the neighbors and then somebody, i guess, got
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the idea for television. he's done with the daily grind, i guess, and said he's looking forward to spending more time guarding his pot of gold -- not his potty. that would be weird. i'm going to stay in the bathroom! but i don't like this at all. we're losing oprah this summer. there aren't many one-name celebrities left. help us, beyonce. your country needs you. regis said when he does leave the show, on his last day, he's going to emancipate gelman, so, that's -- oprah's going out with guns ablaze. she sat down last night with larry king's replacement, piers morgan. he and oprah made a bet over who would be the first to book eagles quarterback and recovering dog fighter michael vick. piers is british, so they bet 200 pounds. it would be the first 200 pounds oprah's lost. she does that, like, once every
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18 months or something. [ applause ] but he had the audacity -- on today's oprah, she brought her entire audience to australia and say what you want about the woman, she knows how to make an entrance. >> as the viewers were partying on the beach, i was hovering nearby in our chopper, waiting to make a surprise entrance. >> here we go. here we go. this is called making an entrance. woo ps o hoo. that's how you want to arrive at a party, people. >> jimmy: that is right. [ applause ] you made like 40 surprise entrances during the show. how surprised could they have been? oprah flew over on the plane with them. it's oprah! of course it's oprah. after the country had been properly strafed, oprah and lady gayle went to see koala bears.
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you have to seem them in australia, it's the law. i don't know if they knew it was opr oprah, but they made every effort to put on a show. >> so, are they spayed and neutered? >> no, not at all -- >> hello. >> oh. y here comes a moment. >> it's out. look. >> look at him. i said i want it now. [ applause ] >> jimmy: run, stedman, run! i think -- i think oprah just found a new favorite thing. chinese president hu visited the white house today. his first official state visit to the united states. last time he was here he made an official visit. this was an official state visit, which, i guess, is better. either way, vice president biden has been instructed not to do his hilarious who's on first
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routine in front of the president. he told reporters he's been looking forward to meeting president obama and to breathing air, so he's glad to be here. they're holding a state dinner in his honor tomorrow, which is a big deal for u.s./china relations. our government believes that china is undermining our economy with unfair economic and labor practices and china feels like it's not getting enough credit for inventing spaghetti. so, hopefully the visit will help with that. and hu is going to meet with business leaders in washington, d.c. and visit chicago and if he like what he sees, maybe he might buy us. who knows? hu knows. [ applause ] >> jimmy: oh, no. here in hollywood, the golden globes took place. these are the awards given out by the hollywood foreign press and they usually influence who gets nominated for an oscar. "the social network" was the big winner. amend christian bale won best
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supporting actor and gave the night's most interesting speech. >> thanks for letting us do this, dicky and mickey. thanks, you're the best. and most important of all, my lovely wife, right there, any man would just be lucky as hell to be married to someone like that. and my little girl. where's the camera. she's sitting at home. i love you, darrling, this one s for you. no, no, don't shut me up! oh, good for you. i'm going to blep bloo[ bleep ]r [ bleep ] -- >> jimmy: you know, some people just haven't good winners. some -- very important news for those that believe in as troll. . according to a recent report, the dates associated with the zodiac signs are wrong. they said they're off by about a month, which means whatever sign
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you thought you are, you aren't. for instance, guillermo, what sign are you? >> aquarian. >> jimmy: you're an aquarium? you're a fish swimming around in you. >> jimmy: well, you're not an aquarium. you are actually a capricorn. a capricorn dog. a muffin. the report says there needs to be a 13th sign in the zodiac, which, this being california, is big and potentially devastating news for a significant portion of our population who base a lot of their life decisions on their sign. and, well, here's some local reaction. >> it should stay the way they are. >> instead of 12 signs, there are 13. >> only 12 signs, not 13.
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>> well, you know, some people are like that because they're used to their personality. everyone is scared of change. >> they don't have the right to change anything. >> jimmy: oh, well -- very angry about this. fortunately it turned out the whole story was bogus, much like as troll. itself. but that didn't stop anyone reporting on it. this is from ktla, who got reaction from the exclusive community of malibu. >> you're really aquarius now. >> no way. i'd rather be that, anyway. >> when is your birthday? >> i don't do birthdays. i celebrate every day. >> so, do you believe in horoscopes? >> no, i don't. i believe in the beauty of every day and the joy of every day. and i think every day is a birthday that we should celebrate. [ applause ] >> jimmy: well, that's just -- that's rude. typical tourist behavior, they
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don't think, they just fight. in music news, rapper from atlanta named gucci mane -- you know him? yeah? all right. well, he's got a new tattoo. and as if that wasn't big enough news, it's of an ice cream cone. and it's on his face. ice cream cone with lightning bolts coming out of the top of it tattooed on his face. that will be great if he gets fat. some people are blaming the tattoo artist for giving him the tattoo. but the guy comes up to you, says, i want an ice cream cone topped with lightning bolts on my face, you do it. i mean, so -- your move, mike tyson. this is pretty good. we found this on youtube. it's a band, not a very good one, but stick with it. i think you'll understand their appeal.
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♪ ♪ >> jimmy: fortunately he was wearing his protective mullet, so he's okay. how embarrassing is it to be slapped in front of your fan? it's -- merv griffin entertainment today, a television production company, has announced they are developing a reality show centered around pac man, which is great. i didn't even know he was real. i thought -- the show will be timed to coincide with pacman's 30th anniversary. it does keep your attention. >> i was on top of the world, i had it all.
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those power pills. they made me file like, indestructible, you know? >> okay. do you know what you're feeling, how you feel disconnected right now, that coldness come over you? >> i feel alone and empty. >> you're in withdrawal. >> right. >> so, you're trying to regulate when you feel horrible. and you're going back to all your old strategies. >> doctor? doctor? the ghosts are back. the ghosts are back! >> are you okay? what's happening? >> i'll tell you what's happening -- i'm freaking the [ bleep ] out! dr. drew's "pac' n it." >> jimmy: he's got a substance abuse problem. the city of boston has a new type of ambulance that is specially designed for america's swechling population of obese people. they are having trouble to fit
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in the regular ambulance, so, like starbucks did with their coffee, they supersized it, and if you're an overweight american, there's never been a better time to call 911. >> boston emergency services debuted a specialized ambulance. the vehicle is equipped with a modified stretcher, capable of holding 850 pounds and the traditional flashing emergency lights have been replaced with a krispy kreme hot now sign to help lure the obese out of their homes. >> jimmy: you know what, and it doesn't use gas. they stick a lipo-suction tube in you and it runs off that. by the time you get to the hospital, you look great. [ applause ] tonight on bravo -- there's a show on bravo called "the fashion show," which, they had project run way, and they lost it, so, they came up with a show that's exactly like it. one of the designers was eliminated because the judges didn't like how he relied on one
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design feature. if you think they say the word amazing a lot on "the bachelor," look at how much they say ruffle on "the fashion show." >> oversized ruffles. oversized ruffles. because i cannot touch the ruffle. very ruffles, big ruffle. >> the drama of those ruffles. >> seems like your ruffles are getting bigger and bigger. >> hungry ruffle. >> maybe i overdo the ruffle. >> ruffle, ruffle, ruffle. >> "the fashion show" on bravo, brought to you by ruffles. >> jimmy: last night on mtv, a special monday night episode of "jersey shore." this was the episode where snooki got arrested for being drunk and annoying at the beach. what better way to honor the legacy of dr. martin luther king than that.
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if you missed it, well, if you missed it, just watch any episode, they're all the same. but "jersey shore" is pretty much the same circle of drunken fist pumping and throwing up and humping over and over again. so, to make it more interesting, we took the audio from last night's episode and mixed it from t"the new adventures of batma batman." >> i like mike. but his personality and how he carries himself. >> deena wants to make out with mike. so, you know me, i break the ice. come here. i'm so -- >> sounds like a good time. >> jimmy: that's how they do it on the gothham shore, kids. we have a good show tonight. golden globe nominee jennifer lawrence is here. comedian andrew norelli is with us and we'll be right back with dog pounder number one randy
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jackson, so stick around. you want me to weigh myself in times square? [ gasps ] it's kinda scary. a little intimidated, but i'm down. joy! [ laughs ] courage. that sounds like me. satisfaction. i think that's the best word that it could've put on there. [ female announcer ] what will you gain when you lose? take the special k challenge. lose up to six pounds in two weeks. with the special k challenge, you can have the cereal you love and so much more. design your free, personalized plan at specialk.com. [ male announcer ] in the event of a collision, the smartest thing you could do is cut the fuel supply... ♪ ...unlock the doors, and turn on the hazard lights. or better yet, get a car that automatically does it for you.
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>> jimmy: hi there. welcome back to the show. with us tonight, a very talented young lady. she received a golden globe nomination for her work in the movie "winter's bone." jennifer lawrence is here. then later on, a funny guy. you can see him live now through saturday at the comedy and magic club in hermosa beach, california. andrew norelli is on the show. tomorrow, wilmer value der ram ma will be here, music from new politics, and the great don rickles is here. also this week, ryan gosling, kourtney kardashian, jim sturgess and music from ra ra riot and kt tunstall. so, please join us then. our first guest tonight is the last dog standing after the great "idol" host massacre of 2010. tomorrow night, he begins separating the underwoods from the hungs on the season ten premiere of "american idol." please say hello to randy
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jackson. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: what's happening? you got a spot on your jacket. >> i got a couple spots, jimmy. they say you look spots. >> jimmy: is this the new thing? >> the spots. you know -- polka dot shirt. just trying to smooth it out a little bit. >> jimmy: looks like your jacket got the measles. did you iron those on specially or did it come like that? >> it came with a kit. >> jimmy: some sort of a bedazzler type thing? well, that's -- that's something else. i feel like -- now if people start wearing this, you are going to realize you are responsible, because no one has ever worn this before. >> see, you look, you have to have the crooked toe kind of shoes, like a little throw
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back -- >> jimmy: it looks like a flame or something. well, you look snazzy. i heard something interesting about the show today. i hear simon's leaving. >> oh, really? wow. >> jimmy: were you aware of this? >> i think he's not going to be here. >> jimmy: how do you -- did you know simon was going to go? >> i heard from him that he may go and then it was confirmed last year because he showed up at the tcas and announced -- >> jimmy: you didn't hear it? >> we were like, dude, really -- >> jimmy: and then everybody got nervous. >> ryan and i didn't. we started -- who is going to take his trailer, dividing things up, you know what i'm saying. >> jimmy: who is going to take his stuff? and then paula was -- ellen left and kara left. and then, were you like, oh, no, i'm going to stay -- did ryan tell you, you're safe? or did he make you wait a
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commercial break? >> he did. we talked to a bunch of executives and it's just like -- we were like, how are we going to fix this and bring it back? and i've been calling season ten the remix, because it is. ryan and i have been there since day one and we have two new people. >> jimmy: you're the real winner. you are the last one standing at the end. you really are. [ applause ] you and ryan, i guess. >> thank you. >> jimmy: the judges -- so, how does it work? when they decide they want to hire another judge, do they speak to you? is it done separately from you? >> yeah, no, they talked to us about a couple of people. there were all sorts of names calling me. brad pitt called. sean penn. >> jimmy: who did call you? all your friends from the music industry -- >> brad did call me. >> jimmy: to say what? >> he said, look, you've been referred to as the dark pitt. you and i look a lot alike. we should be doing this thing together. we should be rocking the stage. >> jimmy: that wasn't brad pitt. that was a crank call from someone.
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>> no, listen, so -- a bunch of my friends. >> jimmy: that must have been uncomfortable. >> it was weird. everyone thinks they can do it and everyone's got an opinion but it's a lot tougher than it seems. i liken this to a golf game. >> jimmy: no, it's not. is it really hard? >> you have to iron on the applications -- >> you got to iron the documents on, man, cut this one off -- >> jimmy: you have to bead your own bracelets. it is hrd? >> it's tougher than it seems. you are from front of 20, 30 million people as well on tv. so, what you say, you got to offer some advice. and most people don't really want to chop the legs from under anyone but you look like you would do it -- >> jimmy: i would be very uncomfortable with it. >> you being a comedian, if you were judging another comic, you'd be like -- >> jimmy: i would not like that. it would feel mean and cruel. but that's why simon was great, because he was the executioner.
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and -- >> well, everyone is still asking me, so, who is going to take over that spot? simon is still the mean one. >> jimmy: is he going to call in? >> that's a good idea. we'll have a blue phone. >> jimmy: do you think he'll be watching from his throne and judging you guys from wherever he is in england sitting -- >> his throne in london. >> jimmy: sitting on a pile on money. now that you're in the middle seat, will you start wearing very tight t-shirts with your nipples showing? >> no, listen, but there was a show, you'll see, that steven and i took our shirts off because there was a dude in there that was rocking the six-pack. it was a very interesting -- >> jimmy: what's going on with steven tyler? is he crazy? >> no, man. he is mad cool. he is so cool. >> jimmy: he seems like he's cool but crazy also. >> he's funny. he's our -- dude, he's like a legend. >> jimmy: well, yeah, he is. he's not like a legend. and jennifer lopez, now,
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jennifer lopez, a beautiful woman -- [ applause ] >> give up love. >> jimmy: a lot of charisma. but if she was in front of you singing, on a grade of 1 to 10, what grade would you give jennifer? >> i think jennifer would get a 7. >> jimmy: a seven? okay. whittle that down just because you're on television, to -- but she would get a seven? >> a strong, solid seven. >> jimmy: is that going to be able to -- if i was in front of jennifer lopez and she said, you can't sing, i'd go, neither can you. >> no, she actually can. you know what's funny, this is funny. she is always singing those songs, and i -- >> jimmy: and still you only give her a seven. >> a seven is really good. >> jimmy: why should it be a shock that she sings? she sold like 80 million records singing. >> i know, but people get the wrong idea because they think that, you know, if you do pop music you're not really this kind of singer.
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she's not the biggest voice in the world, but she can sing. >> jimmy: it's the package. >> you look at britbritney, gag they're not like mariah carey with -- >> jimmy: when you say lady gaga has a really good voice? >> she's a great singer but i would probably give her a seven, as well. >> jimmy: you believe lady gaga and jennifer lopez are on equal -- >> i gave gaga and eight, okay. >> jimmy: see, this is -- >> but it's not that far apart. you know what i'm saying. >> jimmy: i think -- see, we would be a good team judging. if you need me to sit on your shoulders during the thing, i would be happy to jump in there and go, no, she wasn't that good. knock it down a couple of points. >> on my shoulders. i like that. >> jimmy: can you tell us any of the friends in the music business that said, i want to be a judge? did kenny rogers go and say, i'd like to be in there?
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peter setera. i have a lot of hits, can you help me, dog? >> wayne newton called me. but i like him. >> jimmy: he wanted to be the guy, wayne? >> well, yeah. listen, i think a lot of people kind of fancy themselves as, you know, this whole kind of judge thing. >> jimmy: when wayne calls and said, did you say, hey, i don't have a lot to do with it -- >> i said, wayne, bro, dude, i'm not the one, dude. >> jimmy: not the one. yeah, that's probably the way to go. because if you're the one, you got a hell of a thing. >> oh, my god. >> jimmy: did elton john say no? was he offered the job? >> i don't know. i think fox was involved in that. but elton is mad cool. >> jimmy: besides the judges being different, well, a lot different, besides that, the show is going to be different this year. >> the show is very different. we changed a lot of things in the middle rounds -- >> no si >> jimmy: no singing?
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>> the singing is gone. we did a whole thing in vegas with beatles songs. >> jimmy: there are no more mentors on the show. >> no, that's right. you know, it's an interesting kind of retool of the thing. i said, the remix. >> jimmy: well, it will be interesting. but what i waonder, are there ay people left that can sing in america? it seems like everyone has auditioned for you. >> of course. you'd be shocked. the talent is really good. and unique. it's interesting this year. interesting crop of kids. >> jimmy: do you think there's anybody that you see that you've already identified as the person -- >> three or four people that i think definitely will be in that one or two spot. >> jimmy: okay. well, very good. >> strong. >> jimmy: who do you think is the greatest "american idol" contestant of all time? >> i'd have to say my money's probably on carrie underwood. >> jimmy: there you go. you'll be looking for the new one here. and i wish you the best. randy jackson, everybody.
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"american idol," season ten, tomorrow night on fox. we'll be right back with jennifer lawrence. [ female announcer ] here comes oatmeal at mcdonald's. made with 100% natural whole-grain oats and loaded with real fruit. crisp, fresh red and green apples, sweet cranberries and golden raisins. be honest now -- when has good for you made you feel this good and been this delicious? introducing mcdonald's new fruit & maple oatmeal. freshly made for you. the simple joy of loving what's good for you. that's what we're made of. ♪ [ female announcer ] if you want to just push messes around, dishcloths are just fine. for a better shot at getting surfaces clean, you'll want bounty extra soft. in this lab test bounty extra soft leaves this surface 3x cleaner
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>> jimmy: hi, everyone, we're back. still to come, andrew norelli will be here. our next guest shot guns, chopped wood and skinned squirrel all the way to a golden globe nomination for her performance in the movie "winter's bone." >> when you come into this, he puts his house here up for his bond. >> he what now? >> he signed over everything. if he doesn't show at trial, see, the way the deal works is, y'all are going to lose this place. you got some place to go? >> i'll find him. >> i've been looking -- >> i said i'll find him. >> jimmy: "winter's bone" is now available on blu-ray, dvd and digital download. please say hello to jennifer lawrence. [ cheers and applause ]
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>> jimmy: first of all, you're terrific in the movie. you did a great job. >> thank you. >> jimmy: and well deserved, your golden globe nomination. and this is your first -- you had two award shows this weekend, right? >> oh, yeah, i forgot. >> jimmy: were these your first award nominations? had you been to this sort of thing before? >> um, i have. i've been to award shows and haven't been nominated before, but this is bigger. >> jimmy: a bigger deal? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you tgo to something like the golden globes, the stars of the stars, it's like the very top stars in the audience. >> i know. everybody is really famous. i'm like, i'm not cool enough to be at this party. >> jimmy: and how does it work? most of them have seen the movie and come up to you and say something? >> no, not really. >> jimmy: not really? >> i mean, some people do but most it's just me going -- >> jimmy: who are you most about of all the people that you melt there? >> i didn't see it coming, i didn't expect it but -- yeah, i did. brad pitt and angelina jolie.
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who are like, two feet away from my table and i was just -- it changed you. >> jimmy: really? >> i have heart palpitations. they should be king and queen of america. i would pay taxes to them. not even think twice about it. i was just so blown away. >> jimmy: did you talk to them? >> no. >> jimmy:really. >> of course not. i didn't talk to anybody. >> jimmy: nobody? >> i'm having trouble talking to you. you're famous, too. >> jimmy: who were you sitting with at the table? weren't you -- >> tilda swinton was at my table. gosh. every time she tried to start a normal conversation, i would go, i'm such a big fan of yours. she's just like, okay, so, are you miserable yet? i'm just really tired. i'm such a big fan. >> jimmy: so, just the two of you together? >> well, catherine zeta-jones
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and michael douglas were going to be, but they were at the wrong table. >> jimmy: so they did not -- do you think they turned around because you were there? >> i don't know. >> jimmy: so, you're meeting these people, it's intimidating to be meeting these people. but you ever stop to think, well, maybe it isn't, because i'm one of them now and maybe it's not that big a deal. >> no. >> jimmy: really? >> no. >> jimmy: did you really skin that skill in the movie? >> yeah. >> jimmy: you did? wow. and where did the squirrels come from that you skinned? >> a hunter came over with a zip lock bag of frozen squirrels. sorry, yeah. we didn't kill them for the movie, actually the only reason that we did it is because they were already, you know -- >> jimmy: they were there. >> great for us. just not for the squirrels. >> jimmy: had you done it before? >> no. >> jimmy: do you have to go to
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squirrel skinning school? because it looked like you knew what you were doing? >> i went to the academy of squirrel skinning. yeah, no, i was -- i learned from a hunter. >> jimmy: you did? >> i did. >> jimmy: how long did it take him to teach you? >> i really wasn't only up for one lesson and i was like, you know, i think we're good here. >> jimmy: this is embarrassing, because this is how i watched that scene. >> i do, too. >> jimmy: through a tiny crack. >> anybody behind me in the theater sees my head go down. >> jimmy: and the kids that play your brother and sister are great. but they really kept it together during the squirrel, you know, a little girl seeing a squirrel skinned -- >> well, she lives there. that's her actual -- that's her house and her property and everything, so, she was -- >> jimmy: she skinned them before. >> she was teaching me how to do stuff. don't pull that out, you'll eat that, and i was like, will city okay. >> jimmy: you're mom came with you to the golden globes?
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>> yeah. >> jimmy: was that good or not good? >> no, that was good. she -- she, like, i was on antibiotics and so any time -- >> jimmy: why? >> just because i thought i was sick and i wasn't and it was just -- now i'm still on them because i thought i was sick that one night. she doesn't -- she never believes in anybody -- at least, her kids being sick or hurt. we would never take trips to the hospital. we would just go straight to the morgue. because we were never hurt or anything. i got hit by a car when i was 18 months old, didn't go to the hospital. >> jimmy: wait a minute. >> sorry -- >> jimmy: why were you hit by a car at 18 months? >> i was adventurous. >> jimmy: i guess so. >> it kind of backed over me. i wasn't really hurt. >> jimmy: you went under -- >> i didn't know we were going here tonight. >> jimmy: you were in the space under the tires? >> he was backing out and i was, you know -- >> jimmy: being 18 months old.
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who was the person that ran you over? >> our neighbor. >> jimmy: that's a bad neighbor. >> yeah. isn't it, though? >> jimmy: but you were fine and your mom didn't take you to the doctor are? >> no, she, yeah, she was like, i looked at your eyes, weren't dilated or anything. my mom thinks she's a nurse. she thinks -- she just got bored with the math part of medical school. and that's the only thing that kept her away. >> jimmy: you never want went to the doctor at all. when up get run over by a car and a year and a half -- >> i'm one of the real ones. >> jimmy: your mom didn't like the antibiotics. >> every single time i talked about it, she would scoff and make a noise. it was so embarrassing. >> jimmy: you would be the worst patient on dr. drew's reality
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sh show. >> i'm addicted to vaccines. >> jimmy: well, congratulations. you did a great job in the movie. and i know you got, the x-men is your next movie. >> yes. >> jimmy: you will soon have super powers. and, who do you play? >> i play mystique and raven. >> oh, the young version of -- >> rebecca romijn. >> jimmy: so, you're covered with paint? >> i am, for some of it. >> jimmy: and you have the ability to skin a squirrel with your mind? >> yeah. i can skin a squirrel blue. >> jimmy: jennifer lawrence, everybody. "winter's bone" available on blu-ray, et cetera, now. we'll be right back with andrew morrell li.
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>> jimmy: welcome back. you can see our next guest from now through saturday, live at the comedy and magic club in hermosa beach. please say hello to an dree ndr norelli. [ cheers and applause ] >> thank you so much, everybody. thank you. i feel great. i feel great. i'm in a great place in my life. i can comfortably admit i like lady gaga. i like her for her music, though, her music. i don't understand the hysteria about her fashion. people say she's such a risk taker. she's a pop star. where's the risk? no, that would be risky if she was a real estate agent. stephanie, what are you doing, you got bashed wire on your
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head, we have a open house? we work for remax, you can't wear a meat dress. that is never appropriate. no, not on casual friday. never. can you see her coming out with the pine cone glued to her face, just -- a lot of good schools in the area. [ laughter ] i was in vegas last week. how come your friends think they're going to suddenly get cooler when they go to vegas. why does that happen? you are as cool as you were when we got here. we're probably dropping down a notch because it's competitive. my friend's like, let's go to the cool at the venetian. i'm like, you are skinny, hairy and bald. let's go to the golden nugget. [ applause ] why are we trying to hard? why be a nobody at the venetian
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when you the rule the nugget? he's like, let's go to the topless pool at man day lay bay? let's practice with talking to the girls with their tops on first. we have to brush up on that technique. it's not awkward enough to approach a stranger at the pool. you're going to approach a topless stranger? hey, i was watching you from behind the bushes for the last hour and a half. hi. hi. yeah. [ applause ] yeah. me and my buddies are staying at the nugget. maybe you want to come by later. we have five of us sharing one room. i'm like most people in california, i'm healthy, but i don't want to be super healthy, because super healthy seem to be the ones that always feel sick. and they have problems you have never heard of. they have the most obscure problems. oh, i ate some wheat gluten now my spleen hurts. is somebody wearing old spice?
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my eyes are dry. ah. you're like, do you ever feel good? are you ever doing okay? and then you meet a guy that lives off kit-kats and crack, and nothing is ever wrong with that guy. [ applause ] that guy feels great 24/7. he's going to be dead soon, but he feels great 24/7. just once i'd like to see a cra crackhead go, can we smoke inside? the pollen out here is killing me. it is really bad. you guys are great. can you follow me online. can you see my pictures, which are horrible. i take terrible photographs. i hate taking head shots. because the photographer says the same thing every time. act natural. yeah. like there's nothing natural about this. how is this natural? when am i ever just hanging out --
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[ applause ] my last head shots are the gayest pictures you've ever seen in your life. nothing wrong with gay photographs, they're not what i was going for. and i was surprised. and it was not my fault. it was the photographer's fault. i had a regular pose like this. and she kept telling me, put your chin more of your shoulder. i didn't realize the more your chin is to your shoulder the gayer you look. it's almost mathematical. it's unbelievable. [ applause ] you guys are great. thank you very much. thank you so much. thank you. [ cheers and applause ] >> jimmy: thank you, andrew. andrew norelli. we'll be right back.
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we always make time for just us cousins. like the other night at olive garden. hey susan, you gotta tell the aunt jessie story again. ok, ok. joe: love that story. come into olive garden for our two new scaloppini dishes. pan-seared chicken breasts in a lemon-herb glaze. or sauteed pork in a creamy white wine sauce. both served with asiago filled tortelloni. along with our unlimited fresh salad and warm breadsticks. this is like being back at the kids' table. [ laughter ] olive garden. when you're here, you're family.
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